Discipline in Love
- Therese Morris
- Mar 15, 2017
- 3 min read
It's often said that children live what they learn but I beg to differ, in fact I believe it's the exact opposite, children actually learn what they live. When a baby is born it's pretty much a blank canvas, everything a child knows/does is in direct correlation to everything their parents have done or allowed around them.
While there are some aspects of a child's personality which are innate, natural character having very little to do with environmental influences, it's our responsibility to curb those unbecoming qualities and celebrate those which are praise-worthy.
Unfortunately, there's often this "do as I say, not as I do" approach to parenting followed by a slew of complaints about their child's indiscipline. Well, if you have one set of standards for yourself and another set of standards for your child what message do you think you're actually sending them?
What you pour into them is what will come out of them, not what you shout at them. Telling them who to be and how to behave is of little consequence unless you consistently exhibit those values yourself allowing them to respectfully ask questions and develop an understanding of the "why" behind each rule... Remember the aim is to raise decent, functional and independent-thinking human beings not robots, "Johnny Jumps" nor "door mats."
The other day my husband took me and the kids to a car show where they actually had a "Kids Play Room", I'm watching from a distance how my 3 year old play with the other kids while hubby ended up browsing the cars with the baby in hand since he clung to him for dear life. Suddenly, I noticed a scuffle so I ran over only to see my son in a tug-of-war match with a kid almost twice his height, they were fighting over play-do, the big kid explained that my son had been snatching all the smaller pieces of play-do the other kids put on table until he had amassed a mega ball and the other kids were left with little to nothing to play with.
Now, two things I am happy about... Firstly, that my son was challenged! He's home-schooled and while I do my best he does need socialization with kids his own age, I preach to him that he needs to do the right things at all times because not everyone is like mommy, not everyone will take the time to explain and gently correct, and he discovered that for himself. Secondly, as wrong as he was he defended himself, he didn't cower, he spoke up, held tight to that play-do and struggled for what he believed was his right (even though he was in the wrong lol).
Back to resolving the fight, I asked my son to give me the play-do, he refused, I told him to put it on the table, he refused, so I firmly wiggled it out of his hands and lifted him to the adult sitting area. There he began crying that he was tired and wanted to sleep, I said, "very good" and processed to explain how he was being selfish and unfair to the other kids. He accepted my reprimand and when asked if he wanted to go play again he said "no" then...
Israel: *whimpers* I don't like the other kids.
Me: Why?
Israel: Because they keep fighting.
Me: Fighting with each other or with you?
Israel: With me.
Me: Were you mean to them?
Israel: Yes.
Me: Well, that's why they were fighting with you.
After explaining why he was wrong and how he needs to behave properly he said he decided he did want to play some more so I said, "sure, let's calm down a bit, stop the crying then you can apologize to the boy and play nicely with them" which we did, turns out one of the big kids who was complaining on him also named "Israel."
Fast forward about 5-10 minutes, I hear a shout across the room, "Mommy!" so I shout back in acknowledgment then he yells, "I love you!" with a piece of play-do in hand.
